The mystery of the cover letter

Dear SIR/MADAM—You asked for a short cover letter to accompany my application to work in your sales department. I could spend time telling you that your company is the one place I have always wanted to work. My mother tells me that my very first words were Dassault Systèmes/Sequoia Capital/change as needed. I have a tattoo of your logo/founder’s face on my lower back. I have named all of my pets after your various product lines. I am grateful just to be given the opportunity to be rejected by you. But if you do hire me, you won’t just be getting an employee, you’ll be